Archive for the 'humor' Category

College Memories

Published on Friday, 6th February, 2009 in General, Life, Memories and humor. 4 Comments

Did you have that professor who was nice enough, but clearly was convinced he was the ever-flowing fountain of knowledge to whom these insignificant students had come to satisfy their thirsts? Boy did I ever. I had him for Philosophy. And for Shakespeare.

Often, in class, we students would find ways to keep ourselves entertained. During Shakespeare, someone came up with the idea to play a game, seeing who could get him to say any of a given set or words. Each word had a different point value, with the top-most being “platypus.”

One day, nearing the end of the semester, I went to the professor and asked if I could lead the devotional thought that day. “Sure,” he said, “Any reason?” “Well, yes! Today is national platypus day!” Not wanting to look like he didn’t know already, “Oh, right! I must have forgot!”

We got to class, and he began by asking me to come to the front, and have everybody pay attention for today’s special “Platypus Day” devotional. The other players stared daggers at me, while I continued with the devo, sat down, and enjoyed my victory.

+100 points for me.

Honeymoon days 6 and 7.

Published on Wednesday, 4th February, 2009 in General, Life, Love, humor and personal philosophy. 0 Comments

I’m combining the two days because day 7 was the travel home day, and there’s not a lot to say about that.

We got up Friday, intending to go do our souvenir shopping, which I wasn’t too pumped about, but she wanted to do, so you know how it goes. We went out, grabbed a cab to Bryant Park, where we had some delicious food from a place called ‘Wichcraft, and ate in the park while it snowed. While this may sound romantic, it was more cold than anything else, so we quickly finished and headed on our way.

We got stopped by a guy selling tickets to a comedy club, and we figured since it was our last night, why the hell not. We got the tickets, and went on our way. Shopping was pretty uneventful, too. There’s lots of stuff, most of it just utter crap. Lots of stuff that costs too much. Just lots of stuff, period. We got her siblings some “I <3 NY” shirts, got her mom a spiffy Statue of Liberty shirt. Then we got some cool gifts.

We went to the giant M&M’s store in Times Square, where they’ve got nearly every color M&M you can imagine. My dad’s a Baylor alum, so we got him some dark green and gold M&Ms. We also got him a shirt that says “I need a bailout” since he’s been so outspokenly against them. Next, we crossed the street to the giant Hershey’s store. There, we got my mom a large hershey’s bar, with our picture on the wrapper. We also got a souvenir bucket filled with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups for her dad.

Those were the gifts I liked getting, because they were more than just a T-shirt. They actually meant something. In any case, we had fun, spent too much money, and that was that.

Afterwards, we went to drop all the stuff off at the Hotel, where we proceeded to nap for a few hours, instead of just a few minutes as we’d planned. At that point, we still needed to run by the Gershwin theater to get Kreestone a Wicked hoodie, go eat at Mars 2112, and get ourselves to the comedy club. Well, the Gershwin wasn’t selling merchandise, and there was too long of a wait at Mars 2112, so we ended up eating at Cosi, which had some amazing sandwiches and pizza.

After that, it was off to the Broadway Comedy Club. We ended up being a few minutes early, so we had to wait a bit before being seated. We learned something then: If you do not want to be right up on the stage, where the comedians can, and will, pick on you, don’t get to the comedy club early. We were, literally, front and center. I could have reached out and touched the comedians.

We heard 4 comedians there. There was the emcee, who was pretty funny, and 3 “mainline” acts. Of the three, there really was only one who wasn’t funny. While there’s a good deal of room for crudity and whatnot in comedy, his was just over the top. Often, what makes something funny is that it’s right there on the line, often a little past. That’s why it’s funny. Neither something too far over, nor not close enough, is funny, and he fell into the former category.

I should mention that per the stipulations of the ticket, we had to purchase two drinks per person during the show. This is, undeniably, how they make their money, since admission for two people was only $20.00. The drinks were expensive, but believe-you-me, they weren’t watered down. No, no. Strong drinks, (mostly) good comedy, and front-row seats made for a great last hurrah in New York.

We got to bed, packed up, and the next morning we caught our flight home. Home. Here in Texas, things work a lot differently than they do in New York. First of all, you can get Dr. Pepper in every restaurant. This was not so there. In fact, we only found two. Secondly, you can go get a meal in Texas ridiculously cheaply. I mean, we stopped in for dinner on our drive from the airport, and we both got entrees (not something we did in NYC We split nearly every meal). For about half the cost of most of our meals in NYC, we had soda and two entrees. Now, really, what’s up with that?

In any event, it was a great trip, but we were glad to be home once we made it. I’ve only got one more NYC post, and it’s about the restaurants, so stay tuned!

Honeymoon Day 5

Published on Friday, 30th January, 2009 in General, Life, Love and humor. 2 Comments

We slept in on Thursday, so we didn’t get out of the hotel until about 10:30 or 11:00. We hopped on the subway and headed to Chinatown. Or, well, that’s where we thought we were headed. I checked on the location and saw a picture with the “Canal Street” subway sign on it, so we grabbed the Q train downtown to Canal Street. While this was close, it put us just outside of Chinatown, but close enough that we couldn’t tell where we were supposed to go from there.

We wandered around for a while, eventually sort of just running into tons of signs with writing we couldn’t read that looked vaguely Asian in origin, so we figured that was the place. We walked around, looked in some shops at fake Louis Vuiton, Coach, Gucci, etc etc. It was all well and good. We found a little sketchy looking restaurant, went in, and discovered that nearly everything was written in Chinese. Well, there were some English names on the menu too, but it was, by far, the minority language. We ordered a couple things we recognized, Chicken Lo Mein, and Sweet and Sour Chicken, and waited for the food. It came, and we both decided it was the best we’d ever had. P.F. Chang’s, eat your heart out.

We bundled up again, and went to find this store we’d heard about. It’s called YunHong, and they sell Chopsticks. That’s all. Chopsticks. It sounded lovely, so we set out to find it. It would be an understatement to say we did a poor job. We walked all over, went the wrong way down the streets, etc etc. Then, I panicked. I realized I left my camera bag at the restaurant. We were next to a small courtyard, so Kreestone sat down while I rushed back to the store. I walked back to our table, interrupted the conversation of the people sitting there, and asked about my bag. Fortunately, the waitress saw me come in, and came and got my to tell me they had it at the front desk. *whew* As soon as I realized I wasn’t carrying it, I figured it was gone, but thanks to the wait staff there, I got it back. Cynicism: 0, Humankind: 1.

We continued on our way, on our quest to find the shop, and while we ended up walking about 10 blocks more than we needed to (with all the wrong-waying), we finally found it, and it was amazing! There were some absolutely beautiful chopsticks in there, ebony with silver gilding, mahogany, etc etc. They were absolutely beautiful. We ended up getting a set of 6, bamboo with jade ends. They’re beautiful. (Again, pictures and such later. No camera cable.)

We got back home, rested a little, and got ready to out to our second show of the week: Avenue Q. If you’re a fan of the off-color, non-politically correct, sarcastic humor, then this show is for you. I laughed more than I’ve laughed in quite a while. As with Wicked, if it comes your way, SEE THIS SHOW.

We went back to the Stardust for some shakes, then we turned in for the night. 5 excellent days, just a couple more to go before we return to real life.

Honeymoon Day 4

Published on Thursday, 29th January, 2009 in Geekiness, General, Life, humor and personal philosophy. 3 Comments

Because we were astonished to find that the MoMA is CLOSED on Tuesdays, we decided to bump those plans over to Wednesday. We got up, had some breakfast, and headed out (in the rain / snow) to the MoMA. Once there, we went straight to the top floor where they were having a special exhibit of Marlene Dumas’s work. The exhbition was called “Measuring Your Own Grave” after one of her paintings, and the work inside was just as macabre as the title. Hanging children, nude children, hands dripping with red, etc etc.

We didn’t stay there long, not just because it was a little dark, but because, honestly, we didn’t get it. Her style was subtle, with hints of 6-year-old art project, and it finished with a bit of a vinegarish flavor.

We hopped an escalator to the next floor down, where we finally saw some stuff we liked! Cézzanne, Picaso, Van Gogh, and a few I’d not heard of before, like Henri Rousseau, Georges Braque, Yves Tanguy, and several others. (Again, I’ve got some great shots of these guys’ paintings, but I forgot my cable. I’ll post about them later) We were surrounded by cubism, impressionism, and all manners of Art modern. We finished perusing the floor and hopped down another one.

Now, I like Art, whether it be with words, pictures, movies, paint, sculpture, etc. I really do. But I think my definition of Art must be a little too narrow, or some painters are just a little too pretentious. For example. Barnett Newman is one of those painters who paints lines on a canvas. Just lines, vertical stripes. He calls these things fine art. The most pretentious, I think, was his painting called “The Wild” (Click the link, you can see it). If it’s unclear in the picture, the whole of the painting is a 1-inch by 6.5 foot strip of canvas painted red. Now, what on EARTH, could that do for anyone seeking truth, beauty, or the American way? I just don’t quite get it, I guess.

In any event, we wandered around, saw some neat stuff, saw some ridiculous stuff, and after we’d been there for about 4 hours, we decided to get some lunch and get some rest at the hotel. Well, we made a grave error in our lunch decision. Because we were so close to the hotel, we thought we’d just grab the lunch buffet at the restaurant here before we headed upstairs. Little did we know that by doing so, we were destined for a world of hurt. Or, at least, a world of ridiculously expensive lunches. We ate, it was delicious, then they brought us the receipt to sign to charge it to our room. $54 later, we were riding the elevator back to the room in shock and despair. It was rather unfortunate.

We got to the room, promptly fell alseep, and didn’t wake up until around 6. We went back out to times square, to see the things we hadn’t seen yet, and stopped in for dinner at what has now become my favorite place in New York City. The Stardust Diner. The wait staff takes turns serenading the patrons with show tunes, country, and myriad other genres. It was great fun. Oh, AND? Their chocolate shakes were just as good as Howard Johnson’s were before they closed, so that sealed the deal.

We walked around a bit more before packing it in for the evening. We’ve seen new things every day, and it’s been a lot of fun, but I’m realizing more and more every day that there’s so much more that we want to see that we won’t be able to. This city is just so big, there’s no way to see it all in a week, even if we didn’t take a nap in the middle of the day. Guess we’ll just have to come back sometime.

Honeymoon Day 3

Published on Wednesday, 28th January, 2009 in General, Life, Love and humor. 1 Comment

Tuesday was also a pretty big day. Although we got a later start than we wanted, we still had a lot of fun. First, we got out and grabbed a couple hotdogs at a vendor, then we headed just down the street to the Museum of Modern Art, which is only half a block from the Hotel. We got there only to discover that it’s closed on Tuesdays.

Closed on Tuesdays? Really? This is New York City, dammit, the city that never sleeps! Or closes! Right? RIGHT? In any event, we checked out the MoMA shop across the street and figured out what we were going to do instead. We decided to go see the New York City Aquarium, because, hey, fishes and things are cool. We figured out what trains we needed to take and set out to head there.

We got on the train, and waited. And waited and waited and waited. We were on that train for nearly an hour before we got to the stop we needed, but it was well worth it. The aquarium is close to Coney Island, and while this is the third time I’ve been to NYC, I’ve never been down to that area. Really, I was taken aback. There’s something very different walking down a boardwalk than walking down broadway. Rather than being surrounded by an ocean of people, we were more or less alone, with the city on one side and a beach on the other. I guess I should know better, but when I think about NYC, I don’t think beach.

In any event, we saw all sorts of cool fishes, and other marine life, but the best by far was the California Sea Lion show. I’ve got some pictures, but I don’t have my cable, so whenever I get back home, I’ll make one big photo post, (like Ree over at The Pioneer Woman does). The show consisted of a number of his tricks, and I don’t care if it was designed for kids, it was a hell of a lot of fun.

After that, we hopped the hour-long train back to the hotel, got ready, grabbed a pretzel, and saw Wicked at the Gershwin Theater. I’ve seen the show before, in Dallas, but let me tell you, the NYC company absolutely blew them away. The show was phenomenal, even if Galinda accidentally threw her wand off stage and Elphaba accidentally whacked Fiyero in the head with her broom. If you’re ever in New York, see this show. That’s really all there is to it.

Despite the fact that Kreestone and I were being a little cranky yesterday, it was yet another great day.

Honeymoon Day 2

Published on Wednesday, 28th January, 2009 in General, Life, Love and humor. 0 Comments

Monday entailed lots and lots of walking. We got up around 9:30, got some breakfast in the lounge, and set out to find our destiny. Or, at least, the Museum of Natural History.

We descended into the first subway station we found and consulted a map to figure out how to best get there. I say consulted, but the more accurate description would be more along the lines of “stared in wonderment at all the myriad colored lines crisscrossing the city.” We finally figured out how to read the thing, discovered that particular station didn’t have the trains we needed, and we headed back above ground.

We walked a couple blocks to the appropriate station, purchased our 7-day passes, and continued to the platform. We guessed at a train, not really knowing if we needed to go “uptown” or “downtown,” as we had no idea what those meant in relation to ourselves, but fortunately, we guessed correctly, and in short order, we found ourselves in front of the museum, just across the street from Central Park.

We entered the museum, and were immediately met by two equally terrifying things: Three dinosaur skeletons, toothy grins, erected there just before us, and a school field trip. Younglings, bedecked in coats and construction paper signs prominently displaying their names and the school what owned them. I briefly prayed the dino-fossils would come alive and complete the nightmare, but they just stood there, grinning, earless and eyeless to my plight.

In any case, the museum was interesting. We walked all over, laughing and giggling at the human history sections, largely because we’re still seven-years-old, and find boobies and penises scandalously funny still.

After that, we headed over into Central Park where we deigned to find somewhere to dine, but the park is huge, and we had minimal luck, so we went back to the street vendor in front of the museum and had a couple “dogs” (to use the vernacular). These were scrumptious.

We then hopped back on the subway, headed downtown to try our hand at an equally (if not more-so) phallic museum. (Yes, that pun was intended, thank you.) Downtown, on fifth avenue is a smallish, discrete building bearing the name “Museum of Sex.” We heard about it on the website of the museum/attraction passes we bought, and it sounded interesting enough. The first floor was an exhibit on the sexual habits of animals. To our surprise, there’s rather a lot of homosexuality, masturbation, and all sorts of other sexual acts of the animal world. Who knew there was documented homosexuality in koalas?

In any case, this was where the interesting part of the museum ended. The second floor of the museum was pretty much gratuitous pornography, although the exhibit on the history of sex toys was sort of interesting, too. (Remember the old egg beaters? With the whisk on the end of a device that you turned with a crank? Well, they pretty much used the same idea for period vibrators)

After that, we’d walked up and down countless flights of stairs, across countless city blocks, and through countless museum rooms, and we were tired, so we hopped a cab back to the hotel, where we rested up a while before heading out to see a bit of the night-life in Times Square. We walked all over, and took some time to stop in at the public ice rink at Rockefeller Plaza. The time we took was not so much to quit walking as it was to watch people bust it on the ice. Good times. We were pretty tired, so we grabbed some dinner and turned in. It was a pretty good day, I’d say.