I was in the hospital for about 5 days, then stuck around the house for the next couple of weeks, then I came back to school, where I’ve been since about January 6. I realize that I haven’t posted in quite some time, and while I would like to blame it on the surgery, and recovery, and bad internet at my parents’ house, I really can’t. The single largest reason I haven’t posted is because, quite frankly, I’ve been speechless.

Since late August of last year right up until the surgery, I was in more or less constant agonizing pain, which probably came through in a number of my posts throughout the month of November. If it did, and I was perhaps a bit more cynical than usual, or I said some harsh things about anyone or anything, then, well, I’m not really sorry, but it may or may not have been entirely in my nature.

In any event, since the surgery, I’ve been, incredibly, without pain. It’s renewed my view of the world in so many ways. When I wake up (on any day but Monday. Mondays are still rough), I don’t feel like it takes all my energy just to get up, much less face the day. I can pay attention in class. I can read without having to re-read and re-read and re-read. My thoughts are clearer. I’m quicker and funnier, and I appreciate humor much more.

Life’s just been one big reopening, and I’ve been trying to be a little better at grabbing the horns, instead of letting them toss me every which-a-way like a rag doll toy of a Doberman. I’ll get to posting more, I promise. Probably not every day, but I’m getting back into the swing of a life not lived in pain.

I’ve got a few posts stewing in my head, so you’ll hear more. I just wanted to let everyone know I’m not dead, and I am still lurking in the shadows of the Internet, but I’ll be back in full force, filling your blogs with inane comments that only moderately apply to what’s going on in the post, but you’ve got to laugh because you know, in your heart of hearts, that “Ole sport, he’s a good kid” in the Beaver Cleaver sort of way, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Things have been progressing. Not positively. Headaches have increased in both intensity and frequency, moving from “a lot of days” to every day. The pain, which is hardly affected by over-the-counter drugs often leaves me feeling queasy, but I can’t bring myself to getting prescription pain meds, because I’m already working slowly enough because of it all.

I’m having trouble concentrating on just about anything that requires a whole lot of thought because all my thoughts these days are just fragmentary. These blog posts that I’ve been actually writing (which it’s been a while, what with the pictures and stories and poems and whatnot) have taken inordinate amounts of time. (Just to give you an idea, these 150-200 words I’ve written so far in this post have taken me about 45 minutes. Coherence? It comes not naturally now.) And reading and whatnot for school has become equally slow. I’m behind, plainly put.

I’ve spoken with my adviser, and at her suggestion, I’ve decided to take Incompletes in two of my classes, but I’m going to continue going to class and whatnot, finishing as much as I can for them. The hope is that all I’ll have left are the term papers, and those so I can give them ample time and thought, since they will be part of my senior portfolio when I’m done. The idea is that I can focus more intently on fewer classes, and finish up the other two a bit later, when I’m feeling better.

The later will be the beginning of next semester, after I’ve had my surgery, which is scheduled for December 19. I’m both dreading it and looking forward to it. I mean, I don’t want to have surgery, but I can’t wait to have it all at the same time to relieve myself of all this nonsense.

So, that’s where I stand. I’ve had to make concessions I haven’t wanted to, and with only a month left, quitting is not an option. That, I’m firm on.

Wish me luck.

Enjoy!

Ok, on to the good (well, better. A new header /is/ pretty good news) news. This past Friday, after much hassle with the hospital, I finally got a copy of the radiologists report from the MRI that I had this past Monday (the 24th). They were looking for Syringomyelia (basically, small sacks of retained spinal fluid), and thankfully, they found nothing. That means that while I still have the Chiari Malformation, I don’t have to drop everything this semester and have it fixed right now. I can wait until the semester is over, which takes a huge amount of strain off of me.

I’m probably going to have the surgery come December, but I have one more doctor’s visit to go to October 10, to make sure that the hearing loss isn’t related to anything else.

I had a date and I found out that I can wait on having this surgery. I count it as being a good week.

I’ll continue updating as I know more.

Here’s the good news: no tumors, no aneurysm, no signs of stroke.

All Clear, right?

Well, here’s the less good news: I have a Chiari Malformation. Basically, I’m so smart that my cerebrum has begun pushing the cerebellum out the bottom of my skull, and into my spinal canal.

Now, in all honesty, it all sounds worse than it is. I mean, it can be bad, of course, but mine seems to be mild, but I still have to go see a neurosurgeon.

It would be all better, of course, if there were no problems, BUT, there are many far worse things that could be going on.

More news in this regard after I talk with the neurosurgeon, and get some details on possible treatment, etc.

I told my mom about it, who told me it was probably a migraine, and we’d see if it happened again. Well, it did this past Friday, and I told her about some other problems that I’ve been having for a while. For the past couple of years, I have had constant ringing in my ears, frequent dizziness, and occasional spacial disorientation, where it feels like the whole world has leaned over in one direction or another.

Well, I went to the neurologist today to talk about it, do a couple of tests, etc, so I could get the referral I needed to get an MRI done. I’m going to be doing the MRI later today, and should be hearing back from them in a couple days, so I’ll only be freaked out for a couple days longer. (Whee!)

My brother called me at about 2:30 this morning, returning the call I made to him at about 6:30 yesterday evening. He wanted to let me know he was worried about me, and that he’d drop everything and come to be there if I needed anything. I was really glad he called, even if it was 2:30 in the morning. We talked for about an hour and a half, just sort of shooting the shit, and had a good time.

My brother and I aren’t terribly expressive about how we feel for each other. I mean, we’re all always available for each other, and it’s understood that we love each other and will do just about anything to help one another; we just don’t often talk about it. It was good to hear that my brother had my back, even though I knew he did anyways. No matter what the result, I can always count on my brother to be there for me.

I’ll update here as soon as I hear more, so stay tuned. In the parlance of CNN and that ilk, I have dubbed this as “Cranium Calamity 2007.” So be sure to keep an eye on this category.