Dumb thing number one:

Last week, I got home from school, and I had the feeling that we needed some more excitement around the house. Well, it wasn’t 15 minutes later that my wish was granted. When I answered the extremely rare, and always unexpected, doorbell, I was delighted to find at the door a woman holding a flyer. She immediately began talking loudly and slowly as if I were a small child about how her boss was having a competition, and they only had to do 20 Demos a day and they would get to go to New Orleans for a week.

New Orleans. Woah. This was big, I tell you.

I told her, sure, I’d love to help you get to New Orleans, but I won’ t buy whatever you’re selling. Well, she was just OK with that, and she said she would send a rep right over. A few minutes later, the doorbell rang again, and there she was, holding her Hoover as if it were the Holy Grail itself.

I’m a pretty sarcastic guy, and my roommate, Brian, is pretty sarcastic as well. He and I are a salesperson’s worst nightmare. I was sad when Brian left after the first fifteen minutes. I was more sad when he was still gone after the first hour. I was outright depressed when he was still gone for the second hour. Things got better during the third hour, when the guy driving the sales reps all over town was across town picking someone else up.

With the demo over, and our rugs sufficiently clean, I was stuck with the sales rep continuing to bubble, bounce, and squeak her way into my heart. You know, that part of your heart where you keep special thoughts about those people you wish you could kill? Yeah. That’s the place.

So, she was intrigued by the shiny white box sitting on top of our TV, and wondered what it was. I told her it was a Nintendo Wii, and she immediately insisted that I show her how to play. For the next forty-five minutes, I played Wii Play games with the Hoover sales lady. She loved it. I loved it because while I couldn’t shoot her in real life, I didn’t miss a single target that had her Mii’s face plastered on it. Catharsis doesn’t even cut it.

Her ride showed up, finally, and on her way out the door, she said, “You know, I think I may have to buy one of those.” I grinned and asked her how she felt that she spent 3 hours trying to sell me an over-priced vacuum to no avail, and in 45 minutes, I had sold her a Nintendo Wii? I never heard the answer, because I was too busy shutting the door and proceeding to laugh for the next 10 minutes about the evening.

The moral of the story: At least the Mormons will “have another appointment” if you make them mad enough. The Hoover lady? She just keeps on going, no matter what.

P.S. I got them to go down from $2100 to $997, so if you’re really interested in buying a Hoover (and I’ll freely admit, it was pretty impressive how much dirt it picked up, even after she vacuumed with our existing vacuum), they’ll go down under $1000, so no need to pay more than that. Cheers!

Stay tuned tomorrow for Dumb Thing number 2.